This is likely the only major question for which there is not a logical or certain response.

The only reply that comes to my mind is that you feel deep down inside yourself that you desire to live in a different manner.

For example, one person may prefer living in the city and another in the country.

One person may prefer working for a salary and another choose self-employment.

One person may prefer to have children and another prefer not to have any.

There may be a number of factors which explain these desires, but this is not always evident.

In the same way, one man may prefer to live as a man and another may prefer to live as a woman.

You will say that the comparison is awkward but it represents nonetheless a certain reality.

If I look at my evolution over time, I establish that I wore my first bra at the age of 13 and that I dressed myself completely at the age of 16.

In this case, I know that it was a simple curiosity of adolescence.

Why does a girl wear a bra while I do not wear one?

Why can a girl wear soft fabrics like silk, satin, nylon, etc. meanwhile I can not wear any?

The attraction of forbidden fruit is often very strong and after all, I am not harming anyone.

At the same time I first went out at the age of 25, I also did my first makeup.

It was a fantasy, it was amusing, quite exciting.

With time, I purchased more and more feminine clothing, I went out more and more often and I travelled, here and there, across the world dressed as a woman.

In 1965, at the age of 13, I put on my first bra.

Why?

For curiosity.

I would like to know why a woman wear a bra meanwhile I do not wear one.

I would like to know the utility of a bra and I have understood when I have learned that a woman has breasts and that a man don't.

I would like to know what is the feeling for a woman who wears one.

I have found it different and interesting.

At the same age and always for curiosity, I put on my first slip and my first long one-piece bathing suit.

I have also found it different and interesting.
 

In 1968, at the age of 16, for the first time, I dressed myself fully as a woman.

That means that I put on a bra, a panties, pahtyhose, a dress and hight heels shoes.

Why?

I think that is was only the simple curiosity of a teeenage girl.

The attraction for the forbidden fruit is often very strong and, any way, I do not harm anybody.  

In 1975, at the age of 23, I have done my first make-up and my first outing, obviously during the evening, the late evening to have darkness.

It was a fantasy but it was also amusing and exciting. I was happy but also afraid in thinking that someone may recognise me.  

In 1977, at the age of 25, in Paris, I have done few outings fully dressed.

I have also bought some gartments like a corset that I was unable to find easily at home.  

Between the ages of 25 to 34, I have done few outings fully dressed from time to time to increse my confidence and easiness but always in a relative anonymity.  

In 1986, at the age of 34, I have asked myself the fundamental existentialist question.

Accessority, I have asked myself the other fundamental existentialist questions.

I have found no answers to these questions, at least no answer that satisfy my curiosity.

However, I have asked myself if I would not prefer to live my life as a woman instead of as a man because it seems to me that I have more common points with women than with men.

Indeed, I am very different of what I may define as a «standard woman» but I am also very different of what I may define as a «standard man»  too.

Furthermore and to be honest, I feel fine when I am dressed as a woman.

That does not means that I hate to be dressed as a man but that means that if I have the choice, I prefer to be dressed as a woman.

I prefer wearing a nice dress with pantyhose and high heels shoes instead of wearing a jacket, a shirt, a necktie and a pair of trousers.

I feel confortable and more myself when I am dressed as a woman.

This is not a question of logic but a question of feeling, of well being. 
 

In 1986, I have decided that if I have to live more and more as a woman on a permanent way, work as a woman, do my outings as a woman, travel as a woman and integrate myself in the world of women, it will be more logical to choose a traditionnal feminine first name to identify myself as a woman and to give a name to the one that I call affectionately my «twin sister» or my alter ego.

I have choosen a female, lovely and classical first name, born by few women, easy to pronounce, easy to write, that sounds soft for the ear and that constitute a sweet combination with my family name.

In 1995, at the age of 43, I have begun to do some outings publically and in daylight dressed as a woman in United States.

I have travelled across Canada and passed through the American border many times fully dressed as a woman in car, in bus, in train, in plane and even in a ship like any other ordinary woman.

However, during all these trips, I have encountered often a little practical problem :  my credit cards, my airplane tickets, my reservation and so on where under my female name but my passport and my driver's licence were under my former male name.

In September 1997, at the age of 45, I have decided to fill up a petition  to change my name at the Registrar of civil status of the province of Quebec to request the addition of my female first name on my birth certificate to let me obtain my passport and my driver's licence under my female name of to solve all the little practical problems that I encounter from time to time.

Eventually, to maintain the coherence of my identity, I would have to request the proprer authorities to issue a new Social Insurance Number card, a new Medicare card and other cards.

On Friday December 5th, 1997, I am beginning to live fully my life as a woman because I have lost my job. This last has blowed away the last obstacle to let me live my life as a woman.

I have choosen to live fully my life dressed as a woman and it is as a woman that I wish to live my life.

On Wednesday May 13, 1998, I have taken the decision to cut all the links with my past and to erase all traces of my former male identity. Since that time, my former male identity has never reappared publically.

This is the beginning of my public life as a Transgender Woman.

The rest of my story is now a part of the History.

Now, I am officially a woman bearing a name usually used by a woman. 

From the age of 13 to 18, I am a curious transvestite because I search to understand but I stay hidden.

From the age of 18 to 23, I am a whimsical transvestite and even perhaps a fetichist because I have fun to dress myself as a woman but I stay hidden.

From the age of 23 to 34, I am an hidden transvestite because I wish to be seen without being seen. I wish to go out but I do not wish to be recognized.

From the age of 34 to 40, I am a serious transvestite who does some outings dressed as a woman and who wish to have her own female identity without knowing what is a transgender.

From the age of 40 to 43, I am an out-of-the-closet transvestite who does her outings dressed as a woman and with a real female identity.

From the age of 43 to 45, I am a known transgender who discovers herself and who has a real female identity.

From the age of 45 to 64, I have taken hormones to let my breast growing and I submit myself to laser treatment to remove unwanted hairs. I am a transgender who lives her life fully and permanently as a woman. Consequently, I may say that I am a pre-op transexual.

From the age of 64 up to now, even if I consider myself as a transgender, since the change of my sex designation on my birth certificate from Male to Female, I may consider myself as a Transexual

That means that I work dressed as a woman, do my outings dressed as a woman, travel dressed as a woman and try to be a part of the female word.

Today, all my identification cards are under my female name.

I am a person who feels at ease in her way of life and I am very proud and happy of my life.

I lost a job that I liked.

I lost some friends or people who claimed to be my friends.

Many jobs are closed to me, or close when the employer sees me.

The employers have a fear of hiring a «transgender»; this is not politically correct.

Numerous people discriminate against us.

Do I profit from the best of both worlds, that of men and that of women?

For many, I have the worst of both worlds.

The charters of rights give me perhaps certain rights but I have to fight to get them respected and that asks an enormous amount of time, money and effort.

Even if the situation is often very difficult, I continue to firmly hold the tiller and I try to get through this difficult situation; it is just a question of time.

Furthermore, I may count on the support of my spouse and of my family and it is very good for my morale.

I have considered to pass through surgery to have breast implants and I know many persons who have passed through this surgery and the results are usually excellent.

However, I have decided not to go through this kind of surgery because I do not feel confident about surgery.

Do I need to have bigger boobs right now?

No but it is possible that, someday, I will go through this kind of surgery to have a mammary augmentation with silicone or saline implants.

If it is the case, I will have breasts implants and I will be very proud to have them.

However, if I do not have breasts implants, I will be very proud about my natural boobs.

I have begun an hormonal therapy in July 1998 and I see noticeable changes. In fact, I have a significative increase of the size of my breast and I have now nice medium boobs and I need a bra to support them.

Is it so important to decide right now if I will have breasts implants when I do not know if I will submit myself to surgery?

I have also submited myself to laser treatments to remove unwanted hairs.

I am satisfied with the laser treatments; it is not perfect but it is really better than nothing.

Do I wish to have a vagina?

Right now, the answer is NO.

Perhaps, some day, I will have a vagina; perhaps, I will not.

I am a person who feels at ease in my way of life and I am very proud and happy of my life.

However, it does not mean that some day I will have a vagina. Do I need one?

Right now, I feel fine with my body and no changes are expected in a previsible future.

Is it so important to decide right now about something that may never happens?